Reflections on turning 40

It's official. My 40th birthday is on the horizon. Next Monday I will enter the next decade of my life. I have found myself going back to the beginning of this current decade over and over again. My 30th birthday was celebrated with a surprise party thrown by my family. It was held at my home, on a Sunday. It was also the Sunday that I was hosting my sister's bridal shower. Hmmmmm...... Let me just paint you a picture.

That Sunday, like every other Sunday, we woke up, pressed for time, trying desperately to get the three kids ages 4,2 and 9 months out the door and to church on time. I was pregnant with our Tommy, and was also carting everything I needed for my sister's shower, because we were having it at our church. Needless to say, the house looked like a hurricane had hit when we left. Fast forward about 8 hours. Church is done, I have helped to host a wonderful shower for my sister, the church hall is clean, and I am looking forward to going home and putting my fat, pregnant feet up. As my mom and godmother were at the shower, they had left my two youngest in the care of my step-dad and godfather while Phil came over and gave me a hand cleaning up. When we got back to the house, my step-dad was looking out the door, as though he couldn't wait for us to get there. All I could think of was, "what have those boys done to put such fear in a grown man?". Imagine my surprise when I walked through the door to discover all of my closest friends and family there to celebrate my birthday! In my joy and shock, one thought rose to the top and nearly made my brain explode,

"WHEN I LEFT HERE THIS MORNING THIS HOUSE WAS A DIRTY DIAPER AWAY FROM BEING CONDEMNED BY THE BOARD OF HEALTH AND NOW IT'S FULL OF PEOPLE! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Just as I was about to pass out and blame it on the pregnancy hormones, my friend Tonya, who has been my friends since college and still manages to love me, came up to me, hugged me, and whispered the sweetest words I have ever heard,

"We've been here since noon. Even the bathrooms are clean."

Now that's a true friend.

With the knowledge that my house was in good shape, I was able to relax and enjoy the company of the people I love best in this world. Friends from all over the world sent their well wishes by mail and e-mail. I can remember few times that I have felt so loved. It was an amazing day, and I felt great about turning 30. I was married to the man of my dreams, the older kids were growing and thriving, Gabriel was getting healthier everyday, and our dear Tommy was on his way. We had great friends, neighbors and family. There was nothing else I needed in this world.

Now, with 40 looming, I have to stop and ask myself if I am as content now as I was then. And the answer is no. For as great as I thought I had it at 30, it pales in comparison to the joy I have now. My kids are growing into people that I am amazed by everyday. They are healthy, smart, compassionate, funny, interesting people that I love to spend time with. My relationships with my family continue to grow. My sister had become my best friend and my inspiration. My mom continues to be the great constant in my life; the one who really knows where all the skeletons are hidden but still thinks I am perfect. My in-laws have become true parents to me, and I love them ferociously. While the pace at which we live life leaves little time for social outings, the friends that I do have are people I would walk through fire for, and I know they would do the same for me. The work that I do gives me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. And my marriage.... I never realized you could love someone the way I love Phil. Almost 16 years into it and he still takes my breath away.

And all of this is fabulous and wonderful and amazing..... and nothing without my Jesus. How do I ever explain how He has changed me? How His love and grace are what got me here. That without Him, I would have nothing, be nothing. As I race into this next decade, He has opened my eyes and given me the direction I have so desired. I feel as though my feet are so firmly on the path that He has chosen for me. There is such tremendously hard work ahead, and on my own, I would never be able to accomplish it. Thankfully, I will be doing this all in His strength, in His time, by His grace and for His glory.

As we use to say on the Appalachian Trail, "Onward, Upward and Forever Forward". Thank you for who you are in my life. I look forward to sharing the journey with you.